my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize