Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
