i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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