I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
