Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
