Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
