i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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