the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
