o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
