he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
