How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
