My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
