I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
