worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
