Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I will be naked everywhere
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
