just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
