He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
