You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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