ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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