My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Farmville is her only friend.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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