She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
