you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
