Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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