Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
