ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
its liver damage thursday
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
