I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
