im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
