are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
