so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
