Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
