I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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