actually, I'm a sock model
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
