The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
