Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
