Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
