After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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