It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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