Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
