i just had sex bonerless
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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