So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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