Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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