Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize