I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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