Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
