guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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