You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
