Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
