Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
