you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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