please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I got inside last night via doggy door
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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