Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
