My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
false alarm, still single
Randomize
