Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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