I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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