you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
