I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
