I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
