Me. At least after what I've been through.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
