Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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