I can tuck mytits in my pants
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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