How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
This is my life. Enjoy the view
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
