i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
