I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize