dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
