Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
