i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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