Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
