I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Let's paint friendship bongs
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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